Alabaster Acquisition Associates, LLC
Mission Report 021
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AAA LLC. Headquarters
First Investigation Group (A)
Office of the Operations Officer
SUBJECT: Narrative Report of Operations, 1st Investigation Group.
MISSION #021, Codename: Spooky Business (Rank D)
Prof. Lt. Cmdr. Ersatz Encephalon, MD, MVP
Investigate the rumors about the foreign comet.
Survive the simulation.
0. Investigation team rendezvoused with a confused Eliot Whelmington. Having not met any of the presenting associates before, and mistaking the transport shuttle for the ship, his confusion was understandable.
1. Team departed Headquarters on day 281 aboard The Flying Taxman, on an interception course for the comet from the Black Reach Nebula. They arrived in close proximity to the comet four (4) days later without incident.
2. Team encountered various other ships, apparently also on site to investigate the mysterious planetoid. Seeing no surface activity but sensing anomolies deep within, the team descended through a massive chasm system to the center of the comet using the shuttle. They arrived at a landing platform which lead to a great door. The investigation team opened the door.
3. Investigation team was sucked into a simulation, and separated from Eliot. The transcript of the simulation’s events follows: They were presented with the simulation’s objective: survive, by whatever means, the attack of Shia Labeouf, and each of them were given a single item of their choosing with the end result being: a grappling hook, stealth suit, potted cactus, and antique sword. They materialized in a forest with an obvious path and a cottage nearby. Given the choice between running away down the path, or facing the threat from the house, they opted to fortify and defend the house. Shortly thereafter, the dreaded Shia gave chase, and they narrowly made it inside safely, and barricaded the door. Having earned a moment’s reprieve, they planned a strategy of baiting out Shia and counterattacking him. Being careful to keep away from the walls and cover each other, they moved inward to a more defensible room upstairs, containing a grand piano. Jade played a rendition of Rob Cantor’s Actual Cannibal Shia Labeouf to lure him out. Sure enough, he appeared, and was driven back. With Shia having retreated, there was silence… for a time, and then smoke. Shia had set the cottage ablaze with the entire team barricaded inside. But even under this intense pressure, the team formulated a plan. Together, they hastily wheeled the piano out of the room, mounted it, and rode it down the stairs, crashing through the barricade, and out through the doorway, crashing into Shia who was waiting just outside in an ambush position with the full force of a grand piano! With Shia momentarily surprised, the rest of the team exploited this opening, striking him with swords, potted cactuses, or whatever was on hand. Once more, Shia retreated into the darkness. With their defensible position broken, the team now had no choice but to run. So they moved, as a group, careful not to trip on any roots. But while looking for roots, they were not looking for pit traps! Joel got stuck in a pit trap, and the team could not pull him out, as Shia closed in on the group. The team hid, as Shia came sniffing around the edge of the pit, looking for his next meal. It was at this instant that the team launched an ambush, pushing Shia into his own trap. Unfortunately, the agile Shia managed to claw his way out, abducted Ersatz, and ran away from the group to eat him. Ersatz shouted for the rest of the team to run away while he bought them time. Quite some distance off from the group, Ersatz and Shia had a lengthy duel alone in the woods. In the end, Shia won, but not without cost. Using the delay Ersatz had bought them, Zorn managed to outrun Shia when he finally caught up to him, Joel snuck past Shia who was patrolling at the edge of the simulation’s boundaries, and Jade jumped off a cliff to her death and was eaten when she tried to face Shia like an action hero.
4. The survivors of the simulation were transported to a halloween party. The fallen were transported back to the great doorway. The survivors played the simulation again, freeing Eliot and a trapped legion from the limbo of the simulation’s lobby, which would wait for four (4) players before starting a new simulation.
5. The entirety of the team, Eliot, and a Corp who had been separated from his security detail and was paying for an escort back home, boarded the Flying Taxman and returned to Headquarters. They arrived without incident on Day 289. This report was filed the same day.
+2 spare time points
+Assorted Party Favors